Paws-itively terrible animal puns that will make the whole zoo groan. That's 72 jokes of pure dad energy.
Why don't oysters share their pearls?
Because they're shellfish.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in schools.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator.
What do you call a fish without eyes?
A fsh.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no eye deer.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?
Bison.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the shell station.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
What's a cat's favorite color?
Purr-ple.
Why did the dog sit in the shade?
Because he didn't want to be a hot dog.
What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.
How do bees get to school?
On the school buzz.
What do you call an owl that does magic tricks?
Hoo-dini.
Why don't ducks tell jokes when they fly?
Because they'd quack up.
What did the horse say when it tripped?
Help! I've fallen and I can't giddyup!
What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor.
What's a frog's favorite type of shoes?
Open-toad.
What do you call a crab that plays baseball?
A pinch hitter.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
How does a penguin build its house?
Igloos it together.
How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
Your nose touches the ceiling.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Why do seals swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten-tickles.
What do you call a magic dog?
A labracadabrador.
What do you call a pile of kittens?
A meow-ntain.
Why don't cats play poker in the jungle?
Too many cheetahs.
What's a cat's favorite dessert?
Mice cream.
Why did the cat sit on the computer?
To keep an eye on the mouse.
What do you call a cat that works at a hospital?
A purr-fessional.
How do cats end a fight?
They hiss and make up.
Why is everyone so excited about the cat's new job?
Because it's feline good.
Why did the dog cross the road?
To get to the barking lot.
What kind of dog loves surround sound?
A subwoofer.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it's too hard to run in squares.
What's a dog's favorite instrument?
The trom-BONE.
How did the puppy feel after finishing its homework?
Ruff.
Why did the dachshund sit by the fire?
It was a cold dog.
What breed of dog can jump higher than a house?
Any breed — houses can't jump.
Why don't elephants use computers?
Because they're afraid of the mouse.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
A termite walks into the bar and asks...
Is the bar tender?
Why did the eagle get arrested?
For flying under the influence.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call an indecisive bee?
A maybe.
Why are frogs so happy?
They eat whatever bugs them.
What do you get when you cross a snail with a porcupine?
A slowpoke.
What do you call a fly without wings?
A walk.
What kind of key can't open doors?
A tur-key.
What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
If your father could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What sound does a space turkey make?
Hubble, hubble, hubble.
Why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little anty-bodies.
What do you call a messy hippo?
A hippopotamess.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
I asked my dog what's on top of the house...
He said, "Roof!"
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
Why don't rhinos use cell phones?
Because they're afraid of being charged.
What did the mother otter say to her pup before swimming across the river?
You are otter this world.
Why did the beaver become an architect?
He gave a dam about good structure.
Why did the hedgehog bring a comb to the party?
To look sharp all evening.
Why did the chameleon excel in public relations?
It effortlessly adapted its tone to match the environment.
Why did the woodpecker make such a successful investigative reporter?
It never stopped tapping into reliable sources.
Why did the pelican refuse to use the mobile checkout app at the store?
It preferred to put everything on its bill.
Why did the badger win employee of the month at the excavation company?
Because nobody could dig deeper into a project without digging up dirt.
Why was the detective walrus assigned to lead the Arctic investigation?
He was head of the tusk force.
Why did the three-toed sloth excel at executive decision-making?
Because it never made snap judgments or rushed into a branch.
Why was the marine biologist so cautious near the coral reef?
With friends like that, who needs anemones?